Carpe diem! Seize the moment!
I sit alone in a small room in The Convent in San Francisco, after a wildly fulfilling magical musical performance with my friends.
The tour thus far has been so expansive. So many seeds planted long ago, come to fruition in the context of the Music making. Partnerships criss-crossing, songs weaving through threaded storylines of theatricality.
Oh sleeppppyy… 15 of us have been touring together for a week now. Super grassroots style.
Sleeping on the floors of the venues, sardined on the floor of an audience member host … playing music late into the night long after the show has ended…, caravanning our cars between cities during the day and running around at each place handing out fliers and chalking sidewalks.
I have been fending off a gnarly sinus headcold all week. Giving thanks for tinctures and earplugs and eye masks and sleeping bags and bedrolls to Lay upon.
(Grateful when somehow my achy throat emits a voice. Missing the upper octave, I am, and yet still somehow the voice Insists on coming out when i hear my harmony parts, vacant. A sonic hole in the luscious 3 part harmonies that Trav and Marya and I weave).
I can’t Not Sing in these times.
I wonder sometimes about this unorthodox life I have chosen. I could imagine no other. Yet sometimes I feel a bit tired. Like my body and soul sometimes want a haven – want a home that feels like Home – want Rest.
I have rarely had a solid grounded home in the last 6 years, mostly , following the music and the Muse where she guides me.
I am so grateful for it. And sometimes I feel tired. But I couldn’t imagine life any other way than being a gypsy musician.
Never quite fitting in anywhere, yet thereby somehow fitting in everywhere.
I sometimes feel sad or lost because i don’t know where i belong, and no where feels like Home.
thus Everywhere is Home. And No one is a stranger. And new friends are made regularly, connecting dots of star clusters across the map.
And as ports pass by again and again, familiar faces spiral in closer and closer as years go by. It is a global community of friends, many of whom wander as well. Some of which resonate naturally and others who take a minute to settle into resonance.
Yet, eventually, we all harmonize with each other and peel away perceptions to reveal Truth shining underneath each of our skins. All growing into each other as we grow and re-intersect along the years.
It’s like searching for the needle in a haystack of Soul Allies, wandering the world to find the people who feel like Home. Who speak your language
We intersect at many hubs along the path.
I find my long lost soul friends by following the breadcrumb path from one project and show and friend to another
Music is the vehicle and the fruition of my passions, the tide that guides my boat as i seek shelter in the ports and docks along the way.
Sometimes I wish I had a Homebase. But until it calls to me with a voice of certainty, I feel bound to wander.
Home is where the heart is. So perhaps this will be my life then, always chasing the music, my love. My Muse
We gypsies, we.
Were we sailors in another life? Gypsies? Minstrel bards? Displaced slaves wandering the desert for dozens of years?
We each have our archetype and our mission. I can cannot seem to stay put, nor do anything but live my Truth with dedication
Nesting is comfortable for a month or two, but then the hunger for adventure and music making and channeling that energy of joy and surrender always licks its lips and yanks me away from the complacency of routine.
My role at this juncture of life is Zapping the sonic field with juju and tickles of heart and magic. Casting spells through lyrics and melodies and harmonies, with friends
Yet If there is one thing I have learned it is that “this too shall pass”,…. so We must appreciate the phases of our lives as they are upon us, and not let them pass us by. We may not pass this way again.
Eventually I may outgrow this unrootedness and nest somewhere with a garden and animals and a shelf of herbs (that I’m not just carrying around in a bag).
All these things are alive in my heart of potential and desire…
So although tonight I am tired, and although logic says to go hermit out alone, savoring solitude and rest…. I know these are the nights my life patchwork is made of.
Meeting new sonic friends in the swirl of musicians who are jamming in the outer room. Losing the Self in the soup of musical meditation.
When I am on tour I am so exhausted – I often just want to be alone … and yet when I am alone and not on tour, all I want is to play music.
These Days are Treasures and I am grateful I get to experience them.
Sleep can wait …